My goal isn’t to make this personal, but in the last few months I’ve been in a state of mind in which I have never been before, and I don’t like it.
I know that as teenagers we’re supposed to be in that position where stress builds up and I’m also aware that this is one of the busiest years of my time in high school. With loads of homework, a job, friends, family and several other activities; free time seems precious and very rare to me.
When all of that hit me last semester I was also struck with a severe case of procrastination along with doubt and fear.
I had started to doubt myself compared to my elder classmates, the ones who went to school before me, and what I had in my mind to be. I was contemplating on whether or not school was important, and if I should even finish high school. There are a lot of things I want to do with my life that I feel school gets in the way of (but that’s a different story for another blog).
I felt as though I HAD to meet the expectations of everyone around me, and at the same time I was telling others that living up to someone else’s expectations was bogus, which to me it is. Therefore, all of the mixed emotions and concerns and pointless anxiety I was putting myself through really got to me.
I talked to my mom, my friends, and even Mrs. Nichols about quitting school and getting my GED. In my mind it seemed to be a great idea for someone that hates school as much as I do, but after talking about it and hearing “change something small, like your job, instead of making a huge decision that will impact the rest of your life,” from Mrs. Nichols I had to stop myself and consider what the future might hold.
After thinking and thinking about it I had a realization that I can do whatever I want with my life no matter what anyone tells me, or no matter what anyone thinks I should do, and that is truly what scares me the most.
When we’re younger we are told that we can be whatever we want to be, and I at least, believe it. The thing is though, as you get older, your dreams start to fade. Maybe I’m too young for this, but it’s true. When I stop and think of the future it seems as though I should choose a more practical path rather than one I would enjoy.
The easy way seems like it’s the only way when everyone around me is telling me that my dreams are crazy or impractical. When I talk about things like this with my friends, their opinions get in my head. They tell me what jobs they think I would be good at, and I also realize that even though they are my best friends, they don’t know me as well as I do because I do not agree with them 90 percent of the time.
To be honest, at this point I have no idea what I want to do in the future I’ll go to college, I’ll get a job, and I’ll live my life. Where that is, what it is and the process of it all is a mystery to me right now, and I’m okay with that. I have narrowed it down in my mind to figure out what makes me happy every day, what makes me want to do things and what inspires me. I encourage everyone that reads this that feels the same as me or not, to do so as well. That’s the point of this blog.
Blog by Sam Patton
